Asinine
by Android-2217
Summary: His dark, smoldering orbs of onyx captivated me and I would find myself lost forever in their abyss, but they also told me that my feelings were foolish. Asinine. Sheer blasphemy." GokuxVegeta YAOI.


What can i say about this...? Well, it mostly spawned from a really hot dream. And, of course, I had to take it and turn it into a angst-ridden thing. To make a long story short, this is one of those "Goku falls for Vegeta" one-shots. I like to think I did a better job than most others out there that have attempted this cliche plot. There is a POV switch, but I do think that you guys are quite capable and intelligent enough to know who is first and second.

Disclaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT or the characters associated with the series. They all belong to Funimation and Akira Toriyama.

Warning: A bit of angst here and there, some heavy lime. Nothing too "NC17" like most of my other things. GokuxVegeta pairing.

* * *

**ASININE.**

5 years.

5 whole, damned years I've been living with this burden. A sick disease that hardly anyone ever recovers from; being in love. Especially with someone whom I know would never feel the same way for me. Why did it have to happen? Why did it have to be him? I'm cursed. I'm truly, truly cursed for anything that I have done so sinfully against the gods to have wound up like this.

Forever cursed I shall be with my thoughts and feelings. Trapped in a never ending circle of shame, regret and unrequited emotions. I am not worthy of a Prince's affections or adorations. Nor am I near worthy enough to find that this love and desire I had for him to be returned in just the same, passionate way. His dark, smoldering orbs of onyx captivated me and I would find myself lost forever in their abyss, but they also told me that my feelings were foolish. Asinine. Sheer blasphemy. Black depths of cynicism and torment from an abused past would mock me and what I held in my heart dare I ever whisper the truth.

Why is it that the nice guys truly do finish last? Have I not proven myself worthy of a gratifying life without the tacked on drama and angst of that four-letter word? Where had I gone wrong in life to deserve such an awful punishment? It had to of been that dream I had 5 years ago; a dream that still haunts me and gives me such delicious shivers to this very day from the actions that played out before my subconscious mind. I found happiness and desire in that dream which reality could not give me. Maybe that was why I was doomed now until the gods felt it was my time.

It started in a caged room that was spacious with a large bed for two the only furniture in sight. Going up to the bars, we could see that there were more rooms just like ours, with people trapped inside just like us. It was as if we were in a cell, prisoners in this strange building with only a bed and each other for comfort. I watched you pace back in forth in front of the barred window; the golden sunlight spilling in over your features and making you nearly glow. I could not tear my eyes away. The light gave you a sun-kissed tan whilst your wild, flame-like locks burned auburn, ebony and a deep crimson. Your mouth moved, but I hardly remembered the words. I was too captivated by your deep, husky, growling voice that boomed right into my soul.

Who needed words?

You looked at me, and I stared right back at you. Right back into those inky, mysterious eyes. I had nothing to say, for I was caught in a trap that I had set for myself. You walked over to me and I noted how your muscles moved, how the angles of your body fit perfectly in your cocky strut. I knew the gods were jealous of the perfection that stood before me. Nothing about you could ever be skewed or flawed and I believe that is drew me in the most. I craved your certain type of perfection, for it was a kind that I would never attain nor get the luxury of tasting in this lifetime.

I remember how rough you were. I had no chance to speak against the act or question your motives as you shoved me back onto the bed and sat on top of me. Your hands felt so good over my body as you touched me and felt my own muscular body. I gasped and moaned as your hands were replaced by a wet tongue, driving me crazy with sensations and icy tingles up my spine. My clothes ripped as you tore at them, devouring every inch of my skin your mouth could latch onto, no matter the taste or object…

Heat. Wetness. Pleasure. It felt so good, what your mouth was doing to me.

My head thrashed back and forth as you held my hips down, making sure to keep control of me. You always had to be in control, didn't you my Prince? Even in my dreams, you manage to stay true to your selfish ways. Could it be the lack of control in your life from the past? Could it be from the time of meeting me and being unable to accept defeat, even after all this time? Is it the demons inside of you that you cannot control, so you decide to control others? It's fine with me, my Prince. You can control me all you want, if it leads to something like this.

I was on the edge of ecstasy, ready to jump from the cliff and dive into the nirvana when you stopped to look at me. Your eyes, never ending black holes in your sharp face, burn into my soul. They want me to beg for you, to act in ways that I would never allow myself to be when in the presence of others. I had reached a point in myself that I could not get back from because of you. I wanted you. I needed you. I had to have you. You knew that, didn't you my Prince? I saw it in those eyes. I can see anything in those beautiful, black orbs.

Before I knew it, I was on top of you and doing things that completely blew my mind. You gasped and moaned, tore my back apart with your fingers and bruised my hips with your thighs. You said my name over and over, tossing your head back and forth as I made love to you, all the while as I stare down at your face. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen; watching you let go and show just how much you were enjoying yourself, just how vulnerable you truly were, just how unbelievably gorgeous you could be.

As fast as it all began, it suddenly ended as I startling myself awake from my subconscious orgasm.

I never recovered…

So here I am, 5 years later. After that night, the dreams never ceased. I had more and more, completely drawing me in and wishing that I never escaped back to reality. At first I thought that I was simply crazy. I was sexually attracted to a man all of a sudden who hated me. Something had to be wrong in my head. A time came where I couldn't even look at you without those secret thoughts and desires popping up and whispering in my ear about what I should do to you. Some of them were too convincing and made me hot, causing me to leave the room every time you were there. Over time, I realized that the desires had become something more. I awoke one day to find myself so deeply and madly in love with you. With that, I reached an executive decision that I could no longer be around you and thus forced myself to drop out of your life.

It was hard. So very hard. After all these years and events we had been through together, you allowed yourself to form a friendship with me. You enjoyed having me around and we were able to spend time with one another without old flames and bitterness on your end getting in the way. For me to just cut myself off so drastically had a terrible effect on me. I was sad to have lost you, but it was for the best. Had you found out my feelings you would have cast me away like a stone over the ocean to sink to the bottom of rejection and despair.

Within the time of me falling in love and pushing myself away, I lost more than you. I could no longer stay with someone when there was nothing there. Or had really ever been there. I couldn't lie to her or myself, nor could I risk saying your name while I was engaging in a rare act of sex with my wife. I left her, and in that I lost my home. It shocked and baffled my friends and family, you included—at least from what I was told. My blue-haired billionaire friend was kind enough to give me a home to live in while I attempted to figure myself out, but who really needed material possessions? I could have easily lived off of the land.

Living alone was nice. I had no one to answer to or come home to anymore. I was free from a perilous life with a woman who made me feel the lowest of lows and with children who had no time for me now that they were grown. I cannot say that I have no blame on my part, but I felt better not having anyone. That was, until I realized that I DIDN'T have anyone to come home to or answer to. I realized that I was lonelier than I had ever been now that I left them all behind. Escaping my feelings and family had only brought it all on heavier.

I would sit around for hours on end and just think about you, missing you, wishing that I could go back and just laugh it all off. I would give anything to just hear your voice again, to touch your face and kiss your lips, to have you say my name just one more time… but I wouldn't risk my feelings to be realized by your intelligent mind.

Oh what I would give…

* * *

What the hell happened?

What the _HELL_ happened?

Maybe I am losing my mind after all of this time and shit that I have been through, but had this all really happened? One day things are fine, the next you disappear from the face of the earth without so much as a goodbye. Hell, I shouldn't be surprised considering your awful habits of leaving your family for years on end, but to leave ME without a word?

Fuck you, you selfish fucking man.

How can you just… leave? Didn't you know what I had finally had? Nearly 30 years of knowing you and hating you finally turned into a mutual friendship where I actually _enjoyed _having you around. I anticipated each chance I had of seeing you, thrilled in the visits and couldn't wait for our next get together. I actually had a friend for once and then one day it all comes crashing down. All because of you! I let myself get close and I let my guard down and then it is ripped from me; like every God damned thing in my life. So, why am I so torn up about this falling apart? I should be used to it by now.

Days bleed into months as I still hear no word from you, nor has anyone else for the matter. Last I heard, you left your wife and home, giving us all the big "fuck you" as you leave for good. I didn't even get to say farewell, and that is what boils my blood the most. Was my friendship not good enough for you? Are you too proud that you decide to stiff us all, especially me? There are many times where I cannot even function throughout the boring days without thinking of you.

Fuck you.

You did this to me! I knew this would happen! The moment I relax and feel comfortable, you took my vulnerability and spat on it. I became so co-dependent on you that I missed the days we didn't see each other, I craved the contact of my fellow man and once-rival, I thought of you often. And now…. Hell, now it seems like I can't stop thinking about you; more often than before.

I ponder all the things I might have done to cause you to leave me. I will be the first to admit that I was terrible to you; always bringing you down with harsh words and insults. Yet, you stood by me to my dismay. You kept smiling and forgiving me, your dark eyes shining with acceptance and friendly love.

It has to be those eyes that I miss the most… Never ending pools of dark chocolate that I would just die to swim in. As corny as it sounds, I could so easily get lost just looking into those round spheres. It had to of been the purity and innocence behind them that caused me to stare and wonder. What I would do to get that back…

I cannot help but feel responsible for all of this. I can note back those odd times where you suddenly changed. You couldn't look me in the face—_wouldn't_ look me in the face. Whenever I was around, you found –or made- an excuse to leave. It all just happened one day, out of the blue. I knew it had to do something with me, but whatever it was is still baffling. It became an obsession of mine, one that I could not tear myself away from.

Where are you…?

Can't you see that I need you?

That I…. I want you?

Who knew that one night while obsessing over you, I would realize that there was something more to all of this than just missing a friend? Who knew that when I let myself go and didn't stop the more sinful thoughts in my mind, I would find myself gasping for breath and hot in the face for you? Gods, how you made me feel… I burned and ached for you, imagined my hand as yours, moaned your name and saw the stars as I reached my peak…

It was inevitable- my pride be damned now.

It took me weeks to locate you. You hid your soul so well from me and everyone else. Yet no one is perfect, and I got my proof when you let your guard down, exposing yourself for a brief second. It was all I needed.

I wish you could have seen the look on your face when I kicked your door down and bombarded into your home and privacy. You fell out of that damned kitchen chair as I stormed up to you, screaming and cursing your name.

How dare you leave me!

What the hell were you thinking?

Did you not consider how I would feel?

Fuck you!

I kicked the chair out of the way and pounced on you, keeping you pinned to the floor while I screamed and yelled in your face, my heart racing and my adrenaline rushing, sitting on top of you while you laid there and took it like a bitch. I could feel myself starting to get emotional, trying my best not to show it in my eyes, but you know them better than anyone else. I grabbed your collar and shook you mercilessly, demanding answers and continuing to scream obscenities. Finally, when my crazed fit was over, I just stared down into those delicious, dark chocolate eyes, still grasping onto your collar, watching several emotions play across your face.

Finally I just gave up. I couldn't keep it in any longer now that I had you again.

I crushed our lips together, the air in your chest coming out in a gasp, your body instantly freezing underneath mine. My hands slid into your wild black hair as I stroked your scalp, continuing to kiss your mouth and moan while doing so. You fingers brushed my arm and I pushed you away back onto the floor, my face red and hot, staring down at you.

Don't you dare leave me again, I tell you.

You nod slowly, your face a blistered red from a blush, your chest moving up and down in an erratic pace as you fought to keep your breathing steady. I start kissing you again, grabbing onto your strong jaw and shoving my tongue inside, moving it against yours, tasting you. Your hands were all over me as you desperately moaned and whimpered, feeling my muscles and skin, moving your larger body against mine.

Oh yes, just like that.

Gods.

It didn't take long before I was under you, bare as the day I was born, hissing at the contact of our naked skin rubbing together. You gasped my name, your voice thick and deep with desire, as you began to move inside of me. Shit... Damn did this feel good! You were relentless in your love-making with me, pounding against that spot inside of me that made me reach Heaven higher and higher. I clawed at your back, legs spread wide, nearly shrieking your name, my head thrashing back and forth as I was completely overwhelmed with pleasure.

I was so close.

Yesss…. Ohh-h that's it! FUCK!

Suddenly, a bright flash of white. I let go, throwing my head back and howling. The sweet, sweet feeling of release. You followed right behind me, my entire body feeling you explode, saying my name loud enough for all to hear, gripping onto my shoulders as you rode it out. You should have seen your face; breathtaking, sexy, heart stopping. As we both came back down from our high, we stare at each other. Tears are streaked down your red cheeks. I reach up to wipe them away, stroking your bangs, having missed this innocent face.

You tell me that you love me.

I smirk. Of course that had to be it! Now it all makes sense; the change, the avoidance, your nerves around me. How could I of not seen it before? The ways you looked at me, how your soul completely ached for me, everything. And God damn… how feverishly you made love to me. I had been a fool for not seeing such a powerful and toxic emotion. So what about me? I could see the question in your almond shaped eyes. Not only that, but I could also see the fear, the shame, the guilt, the desperation. It was as if your whole life was riding on my answer.

Yes, what about me? What would you consider my feelings for you? From the moment we met, I loathed you; wished a grisly death upon you. You were idiotic, annoying, foolish, unnerving, infuriating—a waste of the air I breathed. Then recently I became obsessed, worried, fearful, curious, angry, starved. Having you here with me again, feeling your hands on me, your eyes bearing into my heart and mind, a sight that I desperately wanted back as soon as it left me.

Of course I loved you, moron. What else could it be? I'll bet my father is turning over in his grave, the monster who tortured me is laughing from the beyond, my own pride completely shot. Me, a Prince, in love with a low, undeserving class such as yourself? Why, it was completely ludicrous. Shocking. Shameful. Baffling. Humorous.

It was asinine.

END.


End file.
